Negotiations aren’t about getting what you want, it’s about relationship building. That’s why the best negotiations don’t feel like a negotiation, but like a dance. And like dances, negotiations are supposed to be fun, where both parties should to walk away feeling closer and feeling good. What makes for a successful dance or negotiation?

Know the name of the dance: Before you can perform, you have to know what dance you’re doing so you can predict the moves they’re going to make, and why they’ll make them. Once you understand their bigger mission/vision (why they want to dance), you’ll know the name, and therefore nature of the dance. What is the timeline—is this a fast or a slow dance? How much distance should be kept in between you two? How long are the strides? You want to get into the rhythm, get into the mindset of the relationship.

Know the basic footwork: If you know the moves, you can better avoid stepping on each other’s toes: Now that you know the name of the dance, figure out the top three things they want from the deal—their KPI’s, their goals, their “non-negotiables.” That’s your basic footwork. You’ll also want to pay attention to the length of their steps—in other words, know their top / bottom line, and where you stand relative to them.

Know the art of the dance: This is the art of the dance. What are their values, and how can you factor it into the style of your “dance”? What are other circumstances that can influence that they want, and what you want?

If you’re in a negotiation (you’re always in a negotiation), try to divide your negotiation into mission, goals, and values, and figure out where you’re struggling and which area you can strengthen for better results.

Excerpt from The Triple Alignment Model

The best thing you can do when you’re feeling misaligned is to diagnose the problem at its very core. My single greatest game-changer is this: whenever I feel stressed, or dissatisfied, I ask myself—am I feeling misaligned to my mission, values, or goals?

Years ago, when I first developed The Triple Alignment Model, I wrote down these sentences. These three sentences changed my life. Since then, every single time I felt stressed, misaligned, or dissatisfied, I would refer back to them to get to the source of my frustration..

When we’re not aligned to mission, we work toward things that don’t add meaning to our lives.

When not aligned in goals, we know what we want but don’t know how to get there, so spread ourselves too thin.

When we’re not aligned to our values, we struggle to find the proper environment or support system to be ourselves.  

Excerpt from The Triple Alignment Model

Alignment is the essence and foundation of all the good things in life. It is the feeling of happiness, fulfillment, zen. It is the reason that you feel happy sometimes and don’t know why. It’s the smile after a long wait because you know something good is about to happen. That is alignment. 

Because truth is, you could have all the things in the world and if they’re not aligned with you, you’re not going to feel fulfilled. Fulfillment, success, happiness…these things are different for everyone, but the thing that defines them is alignment and uncovering what matters to you, and how you can build your life, your relationships, your lifestyle, and your legacy around that. 

And all the sadness, the frustration, the stress comes from misalignment. Jobs get boring because of misalignment, relationships end because of misalignment, depression is triggered because of misalignment. 

If you are someone who wants your life to stand for something, one of the best things you can do is to unravel what matters to you, and ensure that every thought, action, decision aligns with that. And I can’t ensure that I will help you find exactly what that is, but I can promise that this model will be an excellent tool in your toolbelt, and that it will not only help you better understand what alignment means for you, but also quickly recognize and diagnose misalignment when it presents itself. 

Excerpt from The Triple Alignment Model

Have you ever met anyone with the alignment glow? You know, the individuals who gleam and glow, who radiate of infectious energy. 

Most people walk but when they do, it feels more like they’re gliding, as if they had a cape on their shoulders. Something about them is just so incredibly magnetic, but you just can’t put your finger on it. 

These are the remarkable individuals of the world. The people who know exactly what they want and have this instinctive know-how of getting it. Everything they do seems to somehow lead to the right path.

And you. You want to know what it is.

It’s not just one thing. It’s actually three separate things working together as one. 

1. The clarity and force of their mission. They have something pulling them, something so strong, so innately magnetic that it brings out a sense of unparalleled leadership and charisma. 

2. Direction and momentum. They always seem to make the right decisions. They are strategic and artful, and everything they do aligns back to who they are and what they stand for. 

3. Identity and self-confidence: They’re confident in who they are and what they stand for. In fact, they’re so unapologetically aware and confident that they’ll collect a tribe along the way, who stand by their side and rally for them. 

I bet you can close your eyes and think of a few of these people. It’s not that they’re magical creatures or that they were born special. It’s that they found what pulls them, and has found a way to charge in that direction, eliminate all distractions, and gather a tribe toward their mission.

The key in all of this is understanding your mission, your goals, and your values, and understanding the relationship between each. It’s taking all these separate parts and making them all support each other in a way that propels you. 

Excerpt from The Triple Alignment Model

Think of alignment as a story. 

The moment we set a mission for ourselves, a new story begins. The mission embodies the message of the story, and our “why” behind the story. 

Everything we do from our goals to our actions and decisions determine the plot to our story. 

The characters, the scenery, the narrator, well they paint the perspective and picture so you can better tell the story.

Excerpt from The Triple Alignment Model